Parashat Vera- Respectful Criticism
In the beginning of Parashat Vaera God instructs Moshe and Aharon to return to Pharaoh and demand that he release Beneh Yisrael, after Pharaoh had flatly rejected their first demand. Curiously, when the Torah records God’s instruction to Moshe and Aharon, it says that He ordered them to go to "Pharaoh, king of Egypt" (6:13), emphasizing Pharaoh’s position as monarch. It seems difficult to understand, at first glance, why such emphasis was necessary. We are certainly already well aware of who Pharaoh was, and there is thus no need to clarify that he served as king of Egypt.
The Midrash, cited by Rashi, explains that God commanded Moshe and Aharon to speak to Pharaoh respectfully. He did not simply instruct them to go to Pharaoh; He ordered them to go to the king of Egypt, to address him in a manner befitting a powerful monarch. Although Pharaoh was a ruthless tyrant, his stature as king of a large empire demanded a respectful demeanor.
It must not have been easy for Moshe and Aharon to accord Pharaoh any sort of respect. After all, what was the message that God told them to convey to Pharaoh? As we know from the subsequent narrative, Moshe and Aharon warned Pharaoh that his failure to obey God’s demand would result in deadly and devastating plagues that would ravage his country and ultimately kill his own child. This was Moshe and Aharon’s message to Pharaoh – let Beneh Yisrael leave, or else he and his country will be stricken by ten dreadful plagues. And this message was to be delivered in a calm, humble and respectful manner, and not in a harsh, degrading tone.
Moshe indeed succeeded in walking this tightrope, conveying a stern message in a respectful fashion. Before the tenth and final plague, Moshe approached Pharaoh and predicted that after the plague, all of Pharaoh’s servants will bow to him – Moshe – and beg him and Beneh Yisrael to leave (11:8). Many commentators noted that in truth, it was Pharaoh who personally summoned Moshe after the tenth plague to demand that Beneh Yisrael immediately leave Egypt (12:31). It is explained that Moshe was aware that Pharaoh would be the one to approach him, but he did not want to embarrass Pharaoh in the presence of his servants. As God had commanded, Moshe found it necessary to preserve Pharaoh’s dignity even while issuing warnings about the plagues. He therefore refrained from humiliating Pharaoh, and spoke of his servants coming to demand the slaves’ release, rather than Pharaoh coming himself.
It is indeed remarkable that God would demand speaking to Pharaoh, as evil and corrupt a man as ever lived, with respect. What this demonstrates, perhaps, is the importance of criticizing without humiliating, without undermining a person’s dignity. This is particularly relevant in the area of childrearing. One of the primary jobs of a parent is to criticize the child when he or she acts improperly. But if even Pharaoh deserved to be spoken to respectfully, then certainly our children, whom we must, after all, expect to act as children, deserve respectful treatment. Parents must ensure not to break a child’s self-esteem when criticizing. We would certainly never think to break a child’s bones, no matter how much he misbehaves, and we should similarly ensure never to break his emotions and feelings. A humiliated child feels worthless, and he despairs from trying to improve. It therefore behooves parents to criticize without humiliating. Just as Moshe delivered a stern message to Pharaoh in a respectful manner, similarly, parents must be stern in educating their children toward proper conduct, but while maintaining their respect and dignity. If Moshe owed this to Pharaoh, then we certainly owe this, and much more, to our dear children.
