Parashat Lech Lecha- Nip it in the Bud
We read in Parashat Lech Lecha of the tensions that arose between the shepherds of Abraham Abinu and those of his nephew, Lot. Lot’s shepherds felt they could allow their herds to graze in private property, since God had promised all of Eretz Yisrael to Abraham. Abraham, however, realized that this promise would not be fulfilled for another several centuries, and his shepherds therefore refused to let their animals graze in people’s fields. This led to a conflict between the shepherds, and as tensions rose, Abraham realized that he and Lot would have to part ways.
It is interesting to note Abraham’s choice of words when proposing to Lot that they separate: "Let there not be a Meriba [quarrel] between me and you, and between my shepherds and your shepherds…" (13:8). Abraham expresses his concern that the current situation may lead to a "Meriba," a fight. Earlier, however, the Torah relates that there was already a fight: "There was a Rib [quarrel] between the shepherds of Abraham’s cattle and the shepherds of Lot’s cattle" (13:7). It seems that a "Rib" had broken out, and Abraham decided to separate from Lot so that there would not be a "Meriba." The obvious question thus arises, what is the difference between a "Rib" and a "Meriba"? To what different kinds of "quarrels" do these terms refer?
One Rabbi explained the difference by noting that "Meriba" is essentially the feminine form of the word "Rib." This might indicate that a "Meriba" is a fight which, like a woman, can bear children and reproduce. A "Rib" is a small, isolated argument, whereas a "Meriba" is an argument that spills over and consumes both parties, until the relationship is ruined beyond repair.
Abraham Abinu saw that he and Lot were entangled in a "Rib," an argument that could be ended, that was not necessarily destined to "reproduce" and spiral out of control. He thus realized that reconciliation would have to be made immediately in order for their relationship to endure. "Let there not be a Meriba between me and you." He feared that if they would not reach a peaceful resolution, they might eventually reach the point of a "Meriba," a bitter, explosive conflict that would not allow for reconciliation.
Most of the fighting that goes on among family members and friends begins with an innocent "Rib," an argument surrounding a relatively minor, inconsequential matter – an oversight, a thoughtless remark, a misunderstanding, etc. If we want our relationships to endure, we must work to resolve these minor issues before they develop into something bigger. Apologies must be offered before the tensions boil over to the point of no return, before deep, incurable emotional wounds are inflicted.
Let us follow the example of Abraham Abinu, the paragon of Hesed and loving kindness, who understood the importance of ending fights in their early stages. We will then avoid unnecessary strains in our relationships with our family members and friends, and enjoy the unparalleled gratification of strong, healthy relationships.
