Parashat Devarim
Preserving Man's Dignity
The first verse of Parashat Devarim lists the names of several places where Moshe spoke to Benei Yisrael. However, as Rashi observes, these places do not actually exist; there are no locations called "Mol Suf," "Lavan" or "Di Zahav." In truth, Rashi explains, these terms subtly allude to the occasions when Benei Yisrael sinned against God during their sojourn in the wilderness. "Mol Suf" refers to their protests at the Yam Suf, where they berated Moshe for leading them out of Egypt; "Lavan," which literally means "white," hints to the incident when they complained about the manna, referring to it as "this white stuff"; and "Di Zahav" refers to the gold used in the fashioning of the golden calf.
Moshe began his final address to the people by making indirect reference to their sins over the last forty years. Even as he sat down to administer rebuke, to criticize the people for their rebellious conduct, he ensured to do so gently and respectfully, in a manner that would preserve their dignity. Very often, when we offer criticism, we do so without restraint, chiding and humiliating the individual for his mistake. Moshe teaches us that criticism must be spoken softly and delicately, with utmost respect. Even somebody who committed a wrong, even a sinner, deserves our respect and his dignity must be preserved.
This lesson that emerges from the very first verse of Parashat Devarim is perhaps one of the reasons why this Parasha is always read on the Shabbat preceding Tisha B'Av. The Second Temple was destroyed because of this very issue – the people's failure to treat one another respectfully. This problem reached its peak, perhaps, in the famous story of Bar Kamtza, who was mistakenly invited to a party hosted by somebody who despised him. The host approached Bar Kamtza and told him to leave, and Bar Kamtza pleaded to be allowed to remain rather than suffer humiliation. But the host insisted, and even after Bar Kamtza offered to pay for the entire feast to be allowed to remain, the host had some of the guests physically expel Bar Kamtza from the building.
The Gemara tells that Bar Kamtza decided to avenge his humiliation by bringing false reports to the Roman authorities that Jews had planned a revolt. These false reports triggered the Roman government's campaign against the Jews that ultimately resulted in the Temple's destruction.
Bar Kamtza was clearly a wicked man; he was prepared to endanger the entire Jewish people by spreading false rumors. And yet, God allowed his efforts to succeed because of the humiliation he suffered at the hands of his fellow Jew. We are enjoined to show respect to all Jews, regardless of their level of observance, and even to sinners. In fact, after Bilam was scolded by his donkey, God killed the donkey so as to spare Bilam further humiliation. Even Bilam, wicked and corrupt as he was, deserved a sense of dignity.
All the more so, then, must we exercise extreme care when speaking to good, decent people. Even when we must offer criticism, we must ensure to spare them embarrassment and to maintain their respect and dignity. As Moshe teaches us, we must make every effort to criticize softly and respectfully, in a manner that does not cause any humiliation or discomfort, and in this way we will correct the mistake that led to the destruction of the Bet Ha'mikdash and so many centuries of bitter exile.
