VaYishlach 5766
Setting an Example of Consistency
We read in Parashat Vayishlach that Yaakov offered a prayer to G-d in anticipation of his meeting with Esav. In this prayer he recalls G-d's kindness to him, and mentions "for I crossed this Jordan [River] with [only] my staff, and now I have become two camps." The Rabbis were bothered by Yaakov's claim that he left Eretz Yisrael with nothing other than his walking stick. How could this be? His father, Yitzchak, was a very wealthy man. Would he have let Yaakov leave home with no money or belongings?
The Midrash explains that in truth, Yaakov left home with plenty of money. However, along the way he was confronted by his nephew Elifaz, Esav's son, whom Esav had sent to kill Yaakov. Elifaz explained to Yaakov that the Mitzva of Kibbud Av Va'em, respecting parents, obligated him to fulfill his father's wish and kill Yaakov. Yaakov therefore agreed to give Elifaz all his money and belongings, thus rendering him penniless, and the Gemara says that an impoverished person is considered "dead." In this way, Elifaz could technically fulfill his father's instructions while not taking Yaakov's life. As a result of this episode, Yaakov indeed crossed the Jordan River with nothing more than his walking stick.
Elifaz's behavior requires explanation. He comes across in this episode as a confused child, who on the one hand is loyally devoted to his father, to the obligation of honoring parents, and yet at the same time is prepared to kill his uncle, Yaakov Avinu. How might we explain Elifaz's seemingly contradictory behavior?
The answer is that Elifaz simply followed the example set by his father, Esav. Esav was a very devoted son, who would go to great lengths to fulfill his parents' wishes, and yet he spent the majority of his days involved in crime and murder. Esav set an example of a contradictory lifestyle, of insistence on morals and ethics in one area, while violating the most elementary ethical standards in other areas. Elifaz saw the way Esav treated his own father, with such love and devotion, and thus learned the importance of honoring parents. But he also saw his father's involvement in bloodshed, and this accounts for Elifaz's contradictory behavior in this story.
From here we learn the critical importance of setting a consistent example for our children. If we are very meticulous in our religious observance in some areas, but indifferent and negligent in others, then our children will grow with this same inconsistency. They will likewise feel committed to some values but not to others. Children learn from their parents' example, and parents must therefore ensure to live lives of consistent loyalty, rather than lives of inherent contradiction.
A similar problem arises when the children receive mixed messages from the two parents, when one parent displays loyalty to Mitzvot and the other is more lax. This dichotomy to which the child is exposed can result in religious confusion and an inconsistent attitude towards Mitzvot. Parents must therefore ensure to convey a consistent message to their children, so that they will not grow as Elifaz did, in an atmosphere of inherent contradiction.
