Parashat VaYigash
"The Words of Scholars are Heard When They are Spoken Softly"
Parashat Vayigash begins with Yehuda's plea to Yosef to allow Binyamin to return home to his father, Yaakov. The first Pasuk of this Parasha gives us an indication as to the tone in which Yehuda made this plea: "Yehuda approached him and said: I beg you, my lord, let your servant please speak something in my lord's ear…" Yehuda tells Yosef that he wishes to speak "in his ear," implying that he expressed himself in a low tone, in a whisper. As we know, Yehuda's appeal was successful in causing Yosef to break down and once and for all reveal his true identity to his brothers.
The low tone of Yehuda's appeal teaches an important lesson that one should remember whenever he finds himself in an argument. If a person shouts when defending his position and arguing his point, this is – in the vast majority of cases – an indication of a faulty argument. If a person has to raise his voice during a debate, he does so usually to compensate for the weakness of his position. The story is told of a lecturer who once stepped down from the podium after delivering a speech and forgot his notes on the lectern. Somebody looked at his notes and saw that the speaker had written at one point in the margin, "Weak argument – yell loudly." Usually, when a person finds it necessary to shout in an effort to persuade his audience, he does so because he acknowledges the weakness of his argument, and must therefore resort to artificial means of persuasion. A person who feels confident in his position – such as Yehuda as he speaks to Yosef – can speak softly. He has no need for the artificial medium of shouting, because he can allow the words themselves to win over his audience.
Furthermore, shouting during an argument generally has little persuasive effect. When a person shouts, his opponent’s automatic response is to begin thinking of an effective rebuttal, and therefore does not even listen to what is being said. Shouting puts the listener on the defensive; he feels the need to protect his honor and dignity, and will therefore instinctively begin thinking of how to respond and defend his position. He thus pays no attention to what is being shouted at him. Practically speaking, then, raising one's voice during an argument will – if anything – only strengthen the other person's resolve to defend his position.
King Shelomo said (Kohelet 9:17), "Divrei Chachamim Be'nachat Nishma'im" – "The words of the scholars are heard when they are spoken softly." The next time we find ourselves arguing with somebody, let us remember Yehuda's argument with Yosef, when he spoke softly, in a whisper. If we begin shouting, we should step back and think to ourselves whether we are really confident in the position we are advocating, or whether we find it necessary to raise our voices to compensate for the weakness of that position.
