Parashat Naso- Making Sacrifices for Shalom Bayit
The Torah in Parashat Naso presents the law of the "Sota," which deals with the situation of a husband who suspects his wife of disloyalty. If the husband had warned the wife not to seclude herself with a certain man, and witnesses later testify that she indeed secluded herself with that man, then the husband brings the wife to the Bet Hamikdash where a special ceremony is conducted. The Kohen writes a script containing God’s Name, and then erases that script – even the Divine Name – into water. The woman drinks the water, and if she is guilty of infidelity the water kills her. If she is innocent, then the water will grant her fertility.
Normally, erasing God’s Name constitutes a particularly grievous sin. Why did the Torah allow – and in fact require – erasing God’s Name as part of the Sota ritual?
The Sages infer from here the importance of Shalom Bayit – peaceful relations between husband and wife. God commanded that in a situation of a strained marriage, His Name should be erased as part of the effort to restore harmonious relations. The Sota ritual is intended to establish the wife’s innocence and thereby ease tensions, so that the husband and wife can again live together peacefully. God specifically required that His own honor be compromised, as it were, as part of this effort, in order to demonstrate the priority that must be afforded to Shalom Bayit.
The story is told of a woman who regularly attended the classes delivered by Rabbi Meir, one of the greatest Tanna’im (Sages of the Mishna). Her husband did not approve of this practice, and once when she returned home, the husband refused to let her in. Resentful over his wife’s participation in Rabbi Meir’s classes, he told her that he would let her in only if she spat in Rabbi Meir’s face.
Rabbi Meir heard of the incident, and approached the woman. He told her that he experienced pain in his eye, and he needed someone to spit in the eye to ease the pain. The woman spat in his eye, and she returned home to her husband.
Rabbi Meir’s students observed what happened and stood aghast.
"How," they asked the Rabbi, "could you allow a woman to spit at you? You are a Torah scholar – aren’t you required to preserve the honor of the Torah?"
Rabbi Meir replied, "Am I any greater than my Creator? God commanded that His Name should be erased in the interest of Shalom Bayit. Shouldn’t I be prepared to forego on my honor to restore peaceful relations between this woman and her husband?"
The Sota ritual thus establishes the precedent of making sacrifices on behalf of Shalom Bayit. This means, for one thing, that people who are in a position to help repair a troubled marriage are required to do so. It is told that Rav Eliezer Shach traveled from his Bnei Brak home to Jerusalem every day for two years – when he was already aged and in failing health – to help a couple ease marital tensions. A person in a position to help restore peace between husband and wife must spare no efforts in fulfilling this most important Misva. If God was prepared to have His Name erased for this purpose, then we, too, must be willing to make great sacrifices to help couples in this regard.
Additionally, this teaches every husband and wife about how far they must go in ensuring the stability and peace in their own marriage. If God foregoes on His honor for the sake of Shalom Bayit, then certainly every spouse should never allow his or her ego and aspirations for honor affect the marriage. As we see in the Sota ritual, Shalom Bayit must be made a priority – something which we must be prepared to make even substantial sacrifices to preserve.
