Parashat Matot- Work and Children: Setting Priorities
The Torah in Parashat Matot records an exchange between Moshe Rabbenu and the tribes of Reuben and Gad. These two tribes requested permission to permanently settle in the newly-captured territory east of the Jordan River, rather than proceeding with the other tribes into Eretz Yisrael proper. Moshe initially berates Reuben and Gad for their unwillingness to participate in the process of conquering the Land of Israel. These tribes then promised Moshe that their men would join the other tribes in waging war against the Canaanite peoples across the Jordan, and only then, after the other tribes have settled their territory, return to their properties east of the river.
Upon hearing this promise, Moshe granted their request, but he did so in an unusually long and seemingly redundant response (32:20-27). In this response, he repeats the promise made by Reuben and Gad and instructs them to build homes and corrals where their families and cattle would remain as the men fight with the rest of the nation – which Reuben and Gad had already said they would do. The obvious question arises, why did Moshe find it necessary to repeat everything Reuben and Gad had said? Why did he not simply say, "Ok, you have my permission?"
Apparently, even though Moshe granted their request, he detected a flawed perspective in their remarks. One common explanation takes note of the fact that Reuben and Gad spoke first of their cattle, before mentioning their children: "We shall build sheep corrals for our cattle here, and homes for our children, while we fight in the frontline…" (32:16-17). Moshe, in issuing his instruction, reverses the sequence: "Build for yourselves cities for your children and corrals for your sheep…" (32:24). Upon hearing Reuben and Gad speak of their cattle before mentioning their children, Moshe realized that their priorities were skewed, that they afforded greater importance to their material possessions than to their children. He therefore repeated their statement, but reversed the order, to impress upon them the importance of giving priority to their children over their cattle. Reuben and Gad indeed learned this lesson, as they later say to Moshe, "Our children, our wives, our cattle and all our animals shall be there, in the cities of Gilead" (32:26).
The mistake made by Reuven and Gad is, unfortunately, quite common in our world, as well. Many of us are much too preoccupied with our careers and businesses to give our children the attention they need and deserve. So often it happens that the family sits down for dinner together, with the children eagerly anticipating the opportunity to spend time with their parents, and then the father receives a call on his cell phone or a message on his Blackberry with an offer. Then he has to leave the table, make a series of calls, exchange faxes and e-mails, and see the deal through. By the time’s he’s through, the meal is over.
There is a true story of a psychologist whose young son approached him and asked, "Daddy, how much do you charge per hour?" The father was somewhat startled by the question, but answered that his patients pay him $150 per hour. The child then asked, "If I save up $150, can I have an hour of your time?" Needless to say, this question startled the father even more than the first. The child so desperately wished for some time with his father that he felt he needed to "hire" him for an hour.
We must ensure not to let our children get lost in our ambitious careers. Let us not repeat the mistake of Reuben and Gad to prioritize money and wealth over the growth and development of our children. They must come first, before our careers and businesses.
