Parashat Toledot- The “Double Life Syndrome”
The Torah in Parashat Toledot describes the difficult pregnancy that Ribka endured after she conceived, in response to which she went to Shem and Eber, two prophets who lived at the time, to seek help. The prophets informed her that she was carrying twins, and that a great nation will emerge from each of her two sons. Ribka heard the prophecy, and returned home.
The obvious question arises, why were Ribka’s concerns put to rest upon hearing this prophecy? She had come to the prophets because of the excruciating pain from which she was suffering. What did it matter if she were having twins or only a single child? How did the information that she bore twins allay her distress?
The Hatam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Sofer of Pressburg, 1762-1839) explained Ribka’s response based on a famous comment in the Midrash concerning Ribka’s pains. The Midrash tells that when Ribka passed by a house of Torah study, Yaakob would scurry about in an effort to leave the womb, and when she passed a site of pagan worship, Esav would push against her and try to leave. The Hatam Sofer thus suggested that Ribka, who was unaware that she was carrying twins, thought that she bore a child who strove to attend both the study hall and the house of idolatry. What concerned her was that her child wanted to live a double life, with a foot in both worlds, conducting himself as a religious Torah observer while at the same time participating in idolatry. This is what worried her, and this is why she consulted with the prophets.
Ribka’s fears were eliminated when she learned that she bore twins, one of whom was predisposed toward holiness while the other sought to worship idols. She understood that a person traveling on the wrong path in life could be brought back, he could be taught and guided toward the proper direction. A person who wants to have it both ways, however, has little chance of spiritual success. With a foot in both places, he sees himself as a religious person, and sees no reason to change. For example, if a person regularly attends synagogue and Torah classes and observes Shabbat, but also goes to places where he shouldn’t be and vacations in places without kosher food or Minyanim, it is unlikely he will change. He defines himself as an observant Jew based on that which he observes, and feels confident that this suffices despite the grave offenses that he commits. His attendance in the "study halls" makes him feel secure in his religious standing, even if he also attends "the houses of idol worship."
This is a particularly important lesson in the context of raising children. We cannot expect our children to grow religiously if they receive conflicting messages in school and at home. Many children go to religious schools where they are taught about the importance of Torah and Misvot, but their parents do not practice or encourage those values at home. These children suffer from a "double life syndrome," acting religious in school but not at home. The story of Ribka reminds us of the importance of consistency in Torah observance, that a "double life" is not acceptable, neither for us nor for our children. We must live only the single life of Torah commitment, and not allow ourselves to visit the "houses of idolatry" alongside our Torah observance.
