Parashat Mishpatim- The Power and Danger of Speech
We find in Parashat Mishpatim two prohibitions relevant to a child's treatment of his parents: a prohibition against beating a parent (21:15), and a prohibition against cursing one's parent (21:17). The Torah looks upon both violations with the utmost severity, calling for the death penalty in both instances. Curiously, however, different forms of execution are prescribed in the two cases. One who curses a parent is liable to Sekila, stoning, the most severe form of execution, whereas one who beats his parent is liable to death by strangulation. Thus, while both offenses are clearly deemed grievous sins, the Torah conveys the message that verbal offense bears greater severity than physical offense.
Why should verbal mistreatment be considered a more severe crime than physical abuse? Wouldn't we intuitively look upon striking one's parent and causing a wound a much graver crime than insulting him?
The Torah here teaches us that indeed, verbal abuse causes greater long-term harm than physical abuse. In cases of physical abuse, Heaven forbid, the wounds eventually heal and allow the victim to resume normal activity with few, if any, lingering effects of the injury. Verbal abuse, by contrast, penetrates the heart, mind and soul of the victim. Emotions cannot be cured nearly as quickly or effectively as physical ailments, and hence the effects of verbal mistreatment usually remain for many years after it occurred. The memory of this experience often stays with the victim and continues to cause him emotional pain. People who are subject to demeaning insults are thus affected by the harsh words for a much longer period than people who suffer physical injury.
This contrast between beating and cursing parents must remind us to exercise extreme care when we speak, and to avoid hurtful, insulting speech at all times. This is particularly critical in the family setting. It is not uncommon for a husband or wife to tell the other during an argument, "Fifteen years ago you said such-and-such to me and hurt my feelings!" Indeed, it often takes more than fifteen years to recover from an insulting remark made by one's spouse. Regardless of the situation, one must ensure not to utter a hurtful comment which can yield adverse effects for years and perhaps even decades to come.
The converse, of course, is also true. Just as a hurtful word can inflict pain that remains well into the future, so do the effects of a kind word endure for an extended period. Thus, for example, the Sages required that guests at a wedding speak praises of the bride and groom and speak of how perfect they look together. The memory of these compliments will remain with the couple for many years to come as they build their home together, and can greatly enhance the quality of their relationship and the level of peace and harmony in the home.
Speech is both an invaluable resource and a dangerous weapon. One must always speak with caution and discretion and weigh his words carefully, recognizing just how significant and enduring their effects can be.
