Aseret Yime Teshuba- Refusing to Shake God’s Hand
The prophet Yeshayahu (55:6) exhorts, "Seek out God when He is available; call to Him when He is near." The Sages interpret this verse as referring to the Aseret Yemeh Teshuva, the Ten Days of Repentance that begin on Rosh Hashanah and continue through Yom Kippur. During this period, God makes Himself "available," He draws near to make it easier for us to repent.
There is one aspect of the Aseret Yemeh Teshuba of which many people are unaware. The Sages teach us that God cannot atone for offenses committed against other people, unless the culprit receives the victim’s forgiveness. God has the exclusive power to forgive sins "Ben Adam La’Makom" – that were committed only between man and God. For example, if we were lax in our observance of Shabbat or partook of non-kosher food, then once we repent, confess and ask God for forgiveness, He can grant us atonement. When it comes, however, to offenses that we’ve committed against other people – such as insults, Lashon Ha’ra (negative speech about others), and insensitivity to one’s spouse or other family members – God cannot grant forgiveness until the victim does. A person can spend the entire day of Yom Kippur steeped in impassioned prayer, but he will not receive forgiveness for sins committed against other people unless they forgive him.
Therefore, one of our main responsibilities during the Ten Days of Repentance is to find all the people whom we have wronged during the previous year and make amends, express our sincere regrets and humbly ask for forgiveness. Unfortunately, most people go around to their friends and casually throw out the word "Mehila" ("forgiveness") as a mindless, mechanical routine. Rather than approach the people whom we have actually wronged and from whom we really need to request forgiveness, we instead go around to people whom we have not wronged and casually ask, "Mehila." It is much easier to approach our friends in the synagogue and say, "Mehila" then to sincerely apologize to our spouses, family members, neighbors, associates, and others with whom we have quarreled during the year. And this is precisely why so few people make sincere apologies to others during the Aseret Yemeh Teshuba – because it is so difficult. We must remember that our atonement during this period depends not only on our prayers and repentance before God, but also on our reconciliation with those whom we have wronged. This effort, as difficult as it is, must be given high priority during the Aseret Yemeh Teshuba.
In fact, the Talmud (Masechet Yoma) relates that a number of Rabbis made a point of being present near those who had wronged them, to make it easier for them to ask for forgiveness. The Sage Rav, for example, once stood outside a butcher shop on Ereb Yom Kippur to avail himself to the butcher, who had insulted the Rabbi and needed to request forgiveness. Apparently, in addition to the obligation to ask for forgiveness, it is proper to take measures to help those who have wronged us to seek reconciliation.
Presumably, the Rabbis inferred this Halacha from God’s own conduct during the Ten Days of Repentance. As mentioned, God specifically makes Himself available during this period, drawing near and giving us the inspiration to repent and make amends, as it were, with Him. The Sages deduced that if God makes a point of coming near us to help us repent, then we, too, should go out of our way to avail ourselves to those who have wronged us, so that they could ask forgiveness. Just as God takes the initiative to help sinners repent, we must likewise initiate the process of reconciliation with those who have offended or otherwise harmed us.
There is also another lesson to take from the story of Rav. The Gemara goes on to relate that as Rav stood near the butcher shop, the butcher ran out to him and announced his refusal to ask for forgiveness. The butcher returned inside his shop, and, shortly thereafter, a bone from one of the animals flew into his mouth, and he choked and died.
The butcher was held accountable for not seizing the opportunity given to him to seek reconciliation. Rav stood literally by his doorstep, practically begging the butcher to request forgiveness. When a person is given an opportunity to make amends and he squanders the opportunity, he is liable to strict punishment.
This warning applies to our relationship with God, as well. If God comes near us during these days to initiate a process of reconciliation, we must respond accordingly and not squander the opportunity. When the prophet exclaims, "Seek out God when He is available; call to Him when He is near," he not only advises us to repent – he warns us to repent. If God offers us His hand, so-to-speak, we cannot refuse to shake it. We must take hold of it and accept His gracious, compassionate offer to start anew and rebuild the special relationship we have with Him.
