Succot 5767- The Teshuva of Succot
A Chassidic story is told of a man who came to his Rabbi asking for a prescription for Teshuva. He handed the Rabbi a list of many grievous sins that he had committed, and the Rabbi read the list carefully. He warned the man that he must undergo a lengthy, difficult process to atone for all these misdeeds, and, before specifying, he made the man promise to do exactly as he is told. The man agreed, and the Rabbi ordered him to eat a hearty breakfast and robust, multi-course dinner each day for the next year. He was also required to purchase special comfortable beds and the coziest blankets available.
The man, who had expected a prescription of fasts and self-affliction, was overjoyed upon hearing these instructions. He did exactly as the Rabbi had said, and he indulged in hearty meals and slept in the most comfortable bed. But several weeks later, as he was enjoying his scrumptious breakfast, he suddenly began trembling. He shouted, "How can I eat such delicious food? How can I allow myself to experience such pleasure and enjoyment? I am a sinner; I have betrayed God – and this is what He gives me!" Overcome with guilt and shame, he lost his appetite and could not bring himself to eat. But his wife reminded him of his promise to the Rabbi, and so he forced himself. With every meal, and with every comfortable night's sleep, his sense of guilt intensified. Finally, after a year, he returned to the Rabbi and told him of his experiences. The Rabbi said, "You are now a Ba'al Teshuva; now that you feel genuine remorse and guilt, you have successfully completed the process of repentance."
Centuries ago, it was common for Jews to exercise self-denial and self-affliction as a means to repentance. The Arizal would roll in thorns and make himself bleed; other pietists had the custom to roll unclothed in the snow in the frigid winter mornings. Many Kabbalists observed multiple fasts every week. These practices are inapplicable in today's day and age, when we are physically frail and often cannot function without our 8 oz. of coffee in the morning. One day a year, on Yom Kippur, we follow this approach to Teshuva, denying ourselves physical comfort and pleasure as a means to cleanse and purify ourselves. But this would not work for us all year round. If a Rabbi would instruct his congregants to observe fasts and roll in snow, they would dismiss it as irrelevant and unrealistic. In fact, many people would probably prefer to receive guidance of this nature, as it would allow them to ignore it and continue living their lives as they had until then.
The more effective means of Teshuva for us is the Rabbi's instructions to his Chasid. Rather than denying ourselves, we should, to the contrary, eat a good breakfast every morning, purchase clothing, live in our homes, and allow ourselves, with reasonable moderation, a degree of physical and material enjoyment. But each time we make a purchase, every time we sit down to a hearty dinner, we must ask ourselves, "Do I really deserve this?" Every moment of enjoyment must be experienced as a moment of Teshuva, a moment of guilt, of sincere remorse. With this attitude, we should be performing Teshuva several times each day of our lives. Whenever our child returns home with an excellent grade, every time we get the perfect parking space, every time we are privileged to celebrate with a bride and groom, every time we have the opportunity to enjoy some time with friends of family, we should feel ashamed. We should acknowledge that God is giving us something that we hardly deserve, and this should inspire us to grow and improve.
In this sense, the real Teshuva begins on Succot. In direct contrast to Yom Kippur, on Succot we are told to eat the finest foods, to rejoice, to celebrate, to sing, to dance, to enjoy. After confessing our sins multiple times just several days earlier, on Yom Kippur, this experience of joy and celebration should make us feel uneasy, as we are reminded of the blessings God bestows upon us despite our failings. Succot thus prepares us for the yearlong Teshuva, for the many daily reminders we are given of our need to repent and draw closer to the Almighty. While the Teshuva of Yom Kippur is appropriate one day a year, the Teshuva of Succot must be practiced each day of the year, every time we enjoy one of the many blessings that we have undeservingly received from God.
