Click Here to Sponsor Daily Halacha
"Delivered to Over 6000 Registered Recipients Each Day"

Download print

Parashat Nisavim: It Depends Only on Us

The Gemara in Masechet Aboda Zara (17a) tells the astonishing story of a man named Elazar Ben Dordaya, who is described as having been a degenerate addict, who visited every harlot in the world. Once, he heard of a woman who lived far away and who charged an exorbitant fee for her services, and so he took with him a pouch filled with money and traveled to her. During his visit with this woman, she told him that he is incapable of ever repenting, that he has fallen so low that he would never be able to change.

This comment rattled Elazar, who ran outside and sat in between two mountains. He begged the mountains to beseech G-d on his behalf, but they said they could not. He then begged the heavens and the earth to beseech G-d on his behalf, but they said they could not. He begged the sun, the moon and the stars, but they, too, explained that they could not pray for him. Finally, he exclaimed, "The matter depends only on me!" He lowered his head and cried, until he passed away. A heavenly voice then exclaimed, "Rabbi Elazar Ben Dordaya is granted life in the eternal world."

Not only did Elazar’s repentance earn him a share in the next world, despite his life of decadence, but it even earned him the title "Rabbi."

Elazar Ben Dordaya was not a "Rabbi" in the sense that he could answer complex halachic questions, or deliver informative and uplifting lectures. However, he is, truly, a Rabbi, a teacher for every one of us.

The Talmud elsewhere (Sukka 52a) compares the Yeser Ha’ra, our sinful inclinations, to a tall mountain, which is difficult to climb. When Elazar Ben Dordaya looked to the mountains for help, it means that he tried pinning the blame on his evil inclination, on his sinful impulses. When this did not work, he tried blaming the heavens and the earth – meaning, the complex combination between physicality and spirituality that characterizes the human condition. He thought he could blame his sinful lifestyle on this very difficult balance between our animalistic and spiritual natures. He then tried to blame the celestial beings – meaning, the Zodiac, his having been born at a certain time which affected his nature. Finally, he realized that he has no one to blame but himself: "The matter depends only on me."

This is why Elazar Ben Dordaya is called a "Rabbi." He teaches us the vitally important lesson that "the matter depends only on me," that we cannot blame anybody or anything for our sins. We must take full responsibility and own up to our mistakes and failings. We will never grow or improve as long as we cast the blame for our sins on other people. We need to recognize that we are responsible for our decisions and our actions.

So often when I speak to people about religious observance, I hear them blame their low standards of observance on other factors. Some people blame it on their upbringing, saying that if their parents would have raised them differently, or had sent them to a different school, or if they had been raised in a more established Jewish community, they would observe Shabbat. Some people blame their spouse, saying that if their husband or wife was more encouraging or more passionate about religion, they would observe more. As we enter the High Holidays, we need to learn from our great "Rabbi" – Elazar Ben Dordaya. We need to learn the lesson of "the matter depends only on me," that we each have only one person to blame for our mistakes, and only one person who can help us change, and that is ourselves. This is the key to repentance – recognizing that we are fully responsible for our mistakes, and that we are fully capable of correcting them, of changing our behavior, and of becoming the people who we know we should be.


Related Parasha
Rosh Hashana- A Time to Stop Making Excuses - 2022 Year
Parashat Vayelech: Transforming the Curse Into a Blessing - 2022 Year
Shabbat Shuva- Teshuba & Torah Learning - 2021 Year
Rosh Hashana: Reaching the Heavenly Throne, One Step at a Time - 2021 Year
Rosh Hashana- Our Annual Resurrection - 2020 Year
Parashat Nisavim: What “Life” Really Means - 2020 Year
Shabbat Shuba- The Most Urgent Teshuba That We Need Today - 2019 Year
Understanding the Shofar’s Call - 2019 Year
Kal Nidrei - 2018 Year
Partial Teshuva - 2018 Year
Praying For Teshuba - 2016 Year
Praying For Teshuba - 2016 Year
Aseret Yemeh Teshuba- The Three Questions Posed to Hillel - 2015 Year
Rosh Hashana: The Yom Tob of Emuna - 2015 Year
Rosh Hashana: The Three Keys to a Favorable Judgment - 2014 Year
Ellul: Teshuba Can’t Wait - 2013 Year
Shabbat Shuba: The Easiest Misva - 2012 Year
Parashat Nisavim- Outreach by Default - 2012 Year
Rosh Hashana- Our False Sense of Security - 2011 Year
Parashat Nisavim- The “Cardiac Jew” - 2011 Year
Sefer/Parasha:
Pesah: G-d’s Promise at the Shores of the Yam Suf
Pesah- Reward for a Kiddush Hashem
Shabbat HaGadol- The Great Message of Springtime
Parashat Tazria: Childrearing and Prayer
Parashat Shemini: The Death of Nadab and Abihu
The Special Joy of Purim
Parashat Pekudeh: Bringing the Shechina Through Marriage
Parashat Vayakhel: Building the Mishkan With Clean Money
Parashat Ki Tisa: Remembering the Love
Parashat Tesaveh: Jealousy and Lashon Ha’ra
Parashat Teruma: Joining Together to Build the Mishkan
Parashat Mishpatim: Torah Observance During “Days of Darkness”
Parashat Yitro: Discontentment is Hereditary
Parashat Beshalah: Filling in the Blanks
Vaera: Defining Greatness
1002 Parashot found