Bereshit- “It is Not Good for Man to be Alone”
Parashat Bereshit tells of not only the creation of the world, but also the creation of one of the world’s most important institutions – marriage. Adam was first created alone, but God then declared, "It is not good for man to be alone – I shall make for him a helper opposite him" (Bereshit 2:18). And so He created Hava, the first woman.
Judaism, unlike Catholicism, does not view marriage as a concession to the human being’s base desires. Whereas the Catholic Church sees celibacy as the ideal lifestyle, the Torah here very clearly teaches that to the contrary, God very much wants men and women to marry and have families. Marriage, from the Torah’s viewpoint, is the ideal lifestyle, not a compromise or concession.
While the institution of marriage seems self-evident and intuitive, we might still ponder the question, why is it "not good for man to be alone"? Of course, marriage is necessary for the purpose of procreation, and since God wants the world to be inhabited, men and women must marry. But is this the only reason why "it is not good for man to be alone" – so that the human race can reproduce? Is the value and importance of marriage limited to the need to populate the earth?
Undoubtedly, the significance and purpose of marriage runs much deeper. Earlier in Parashat Bereshit (1:27), we read that man was created in the "image" of God. The concept of a "divine image" is a difficult one which requires a more thorough discussion, but for our purposes here, it means that God created the human being as a creature that somehow resembles Him. Commenting on the verse, "He [God] blew within his [man’s] nostrils a living soul" (Bereshit 2:7), the Zohar writes that God infused within Adam a part of Himself, so-to-speak. Just as when a person blows air into a balloon the balloon contains air from that person, similarly, when God blew breath into Adam, Adam became infused with a likeness of God.
The practical implication of this concept is that we must live our lives in a way that resembles the Creator. Specifically, this means that we are to live lives of giving. God is constantly giving. At every moment, He sustains the lives of billions of people, feeds them, cares for them and protects them. There is not a millisecond when God is not performing innumerable acts of kindness. It is impossible to even begin to imagine how much kindness God performs at any given moment. As creatures made in God’s image, we are to similarly be giving people; our lives are to be characterized by the quality of Hesed (kindness). If we are created like God, we must act like God, and spend our days on earth giving, rather than taking.
It is for this reason that "it is not good for man to be alone." Judaism urges all people to get married so that we all share our lives and everything we have with somebody else. It does not suffice to build and support institutions, important as this undoubtedly is. A person who donates does so voluntarily and on the terms which he determines. Marriage, however, requires complete selflessness and constant giving. It necessitates taking somebody else other than oneself into consideration at all times and under all circumstances. "It is not good for man to be alone" because only if he shares his life with another person is he capable of truly resembling God by living to give.
When we speak of "giving" in the context of marriage, we do not refer to giving only what is expected, such as a husband working to support his wife. Rather, we mean giving of one’s time, lending an ear, speaking a kind word, buying a thoughtful gift, showing each other genuine consideration.
In our society, unfortunately, marriage is generally approached from the precise opposite perspective. People marry for their own selfish interests, to receive, rather than to give, and this likely accounts for the ever growing divorce rate. If a husband and wife aren’t looking to constantly give to each other, the marriage will not succeed. Rav Eliyahu Dessler (1891-1954) wrote that true love is achieved by giving, by investing of oneself in someone or something. A person who marries for his own needs and desires does not love his wife; he loves himself, and marries to advance his own interests. A person truly loves his wife if he works hard to please her and regularly gives of himself on her behalf. The same is true of children: parents love their children far more than anyone else because of all the work and exertion they invest in the children.
Thus, a stable, happy and fulfilling marriage is achieved when both partners give selflessly of themselves on behalf of one another. This is the recipe for true, lasting love and marital fulfillment – and also the way we fulfill our obligation to resemble our Creator and live in accordance with our divine image.
